Talk about what they tried: a worksheet for parents

Before you ask anything

Five minutes, once the laptop is shut

A conversation, not an audit

The question most of us reach for first is whether a tool was used. It is the wrong opening, because it has a yes and a no and both of them end the conversation. A child who says no has learned to say no. A child who says yes is now waiting to find out how much trouble they are in.

Ask what they were trying to do instead. That question has no wrong answer, the answer is usually interesting, and it puts the two of you on the same side of the work — which is the only position the four questions on the next page are worth asking from.

Four ways in

Four questions, in this order

Ask them across a few minutes rather than as a list. If one of them opens something up, stay there — the others will keep.

The first thing you say

“It just gave me the answer”

Your eleven-year-old has a page of maths homework that is finished, neat and correct. You ask what they were trying to do, and they say cheerfully that they got stuck on the second one, so the tool did the rest. They are not hiding it. They are waiting to see what you do.

What do you say next?

“That is cheating. Do it again properly.”“Show me the one you got stuck on. What did it say?”“Fine. Just do your own work next time.”

When nobody checked

Two ways to answer “no, I didn’t check”

Closes it down

“So you handed in something you had not even read. You cannot just believe whatever it tells you.” Both sentences are true. Together they end the conversation, and they answer a question your child did not ask — how they ought to feel about it — instead of the one actually in front of you.

Keeps it open

“Fair enough. Pick the bit you are least sure about and we will check that one now.” One line, one claim, five minutes. Checking a single thing together is a demonstration; being told to check everything is a rule nobody has ever kept.

Both replies hold the same view about verifying things. The difference is that the second is something you do together this evening, so your child leaves with a method rather than a verdict.

Three things to keep

Open with what they were trying to do, never with whether they used it. The second question has two answers and both of them stop the conversation.
Ask for the useful half and the odd half. Assuming there was some of each is what makes the question answerable.
When the answer is that they checked nothing, check one thing with them tonight. One thing is a habit. Everything is a lecture.